How do we live before the transition?
I very quickly felt that something was different in me, already during my childhood… but I was not old enough to ask myself questions. As I got older, I started to feel some discomfort…I didn’t feel like ME, actually. And then I had small depressions, regularly. At 17, I decided to assert myself. I like men and even though I was born male, to me, I’m not a man. When I announced it to those around me, it was difficult. A little less for my mother who already knew it in fact.
At 18, I announced that I wanted to transition. At 20, things started to fall into place, I had already chosen my first name. Despite the fact that my mother was the first to know and feel it, it took her more than a year before she called me by my new name and changed her pronoun when referring to me. For my grandmother it is even more complicated… I explained to her that I was in a hurry to change sex and she told me that she was not the case… that she had the impression to talk to someone else… I’m still me, I still act the same way. It’s just that I’m finally myself and I can assert myself.
Does the fact that we are talking more and more about LGBTQIA+ make things easier?
I have mixed feelings on this question. It’s simpler because we can find more places to talk about transition and it’s easier for certain procedures too. People don’t have to “hide” anymore. On the other hand, and this is my feeling, the fact of talking all the time and everywhere (and I do not criticize, on the contrary) of LGBTQIA+, I have the impression that we “force”, to a certain way, people to accept. So that can create some tension because there are people who don’t know and who simply don’t want to know or accept. I’m just asking to be respected as a person and not because I’m transgender.
Is it difficult to find out about the subject?
It is very complicated to obtain contacts and information. It’s too new. We don’t know how to approach transgender people to ask them questions; it remains quite “mystical” after all. There are now a few interesting websites where you can find a lot of information, but the best thing is to go directly to support teams (psychological, medical and administrative) for transidents who can give effective advice depending on the everyone’s situation. There are some in Liège and Ghent .
[Parenthesis info: these two services are called “Gender Teams”. The first is at UZ Gent . This “Sexology and Gender Center” is located at the following address: De Pintelaan, 185, 9000 Gent (09/332.60.23). The second Gender Team is located at CHU Brull Liège , 45 quai Godefroid Kurth, 4020 Liège. This service is called “Transidentity Support Center” (04/366.79.60).]
What are the main difficulties you encountered?
First to realize that we are not like everyone else and to accept that. Talking about it is not easy. And then once it’s done, it’s still complicated all the time: to find out, to have the right information at the right time.
From a medical point of view, hormonal treatment is very heavy to bear in terms of side effects…. It changes everything mentally, you become much more sensitive, you become a little depressed and when you are someone who is very fragile at the base, it is really hard. Feelings are hyper intensified. From a financial point of view, it is also extremely expensive, even if part of it is taken care of. When you start hormonal treatment, some changes are irreversible and you must therefore be well monitored by a medical team and a psychologist, so as not to rush into this process.
Another difficulty, and not the least, is when it is physically visible that you are trans. For example, you are a man from birth, and when you start your transition you suffer from baldness, you have big shoulders… Or the opposite: A trans man who still has a big chest, or a thinner voice… is complicated because people are “less tolerant”, and finding a job, even a student, is hard! For my part, I’m lucky… it can’t be seen that I’m trans, but the fact that it still says M on my identity card when I present myself as a Woman, well it’s complicated.
What are gender dysphoria and genital dysphoria?
Gender dysphoria is the feeling of belonging to a different gender than the one we are assigned. We can suffer from it all our life. In my case, I always find masculine traits that bother me. These are the details that make trans people “sick”. Even several years after starting treatment, after having had surgery, I can suffer from dysphoria. Genital dysphoria is the same, except that it only concerns sex. In general, once operated, it disappears. Unless we think back to the fact that it’s not “functional” (I’ll never be pregnant) and maybe not aesthetic… So obviously it’s psychologically difficult.
Thank you very much for your testimony Ymany !